31 October 2007

Bill Was Ugly, Like His Dad...

A Reflective Portrait, BD 2007

I'm not so bad in that comparison - I want to see that you care...

30 October 2007

2 Tens (Continued Continued)...

Ten Good Surprises

001. Sunday breakfast with the paper
002. Open minded, RE: music
003. Bestest friend
004. Cooking
005. Blogs
006. Working relationships
007. Red Dwarf
008. Vista
009. New friends
010. Still hard to interpret

Ten Bad Surprises

001. Ghosts
002. Movies with 'abrupt' endings
003. Control
004. Blog reviews
005. General reviews
006. Hard disc failure
007. Incompetent legal persons
008. Comparisons
009. Family meetings
010. Inconsistency

In The Garden (Continued)...

Recurring, BD 2007

29 October 2007

Get Up, Eat, Make Love, Sleep...

...repeat: Culture?

I Had To Explain The Purple Leash...

Untitled, BD 2007

28 October 2007

Falling Away

Autumn is the season of dying, releasing, storing away... preparation for a dark and dreamless sleep.

In the last few months I've experienced a painful falling away of things that have clung close for many years. It is a relief in some ways, extremely painful in other ways.

The brief window of time that seemed to be the closing of many things has opened into a time of questioning, wondering and a new season of waiting.

It is my hope that the summer's work will feed use through the winter.

27 October 2007

Morphine Is Green Like Krypton...

Be Obscure Clearly...

There is not much else to report...

20 October 2007

It Hasn't All Been Bad...

Can't Think, BD 2007

19 October 2007

If You Think the World is Against You..

...you've over estimated your importance. - Just Thinking

Or, you're just a complete and utter bastard.

18 October 2007

We Wonder All Wrong, I'm Ready For The Funeral...

Untitled, BD 2007

17 October 2007

Track 6 (00:43)...

Just that bit where the almost siren like violin becomes vocal, trailing off into the fader of the bass and bringing attention to the strings of the four piece orchestra. Piano picks up and charges for the beat, percussion and bells - my mind was raging for a year...

Name that track?

16 October 2007

She Is My...

Everything, Leah Schreiber 2006

People Have Lists...

People talk about having dreams. Goals for life. We try to just wish the chapters in our life, I remember an early pre-me JT post which listed out how her life hadn't been so bad cause she felt she could check off the items on this list. I don't know what happens to these lists as we churn on through but I have always had one desire from life, maybe it sums the lists without numerals and to be honest I've had it, lost it, swapped it, grabbed it, damaged it, found it, treasured it and prayed for it.


15 October 2007

Restriction? Must Be Half The Fun, Considering...

Wanting to be more than we are, diminishes us in the harshest way?

Wanting what we are eligible for, regardless of status and not getting it; that just makes us more determined, right?

To be chasing our new found rights, extending our new found wealth and still recieve nothing in return, that wouldn't wear anyone down...

Suicide Is Easy, What Happened To The Revolution...

Untitled, Nick Jago 2006

14 October 2007

Write (Down) Wrote...

We will never be (the same). Outside, time, (with the worlds largest pencil trying to) write a guide (not to follow on the road you are on to read it). Sometime inside this life, drowning away, (2000 odd years of) this pointless charade(; or 78 years on average). Compromised with (wanting) some prize, (the blind,) turn around... It's (not) a car park I'm going to. This is how it feels, to be, when your work means (nothing at) all. Trust (me you can't recover, from) hope. Not (even by drinking) for love, just wrap it up and open (faux) presents, maybe you'll get an overcoat so that when I walk (out after having enough, cutting us) off, heading (for some bar, the rain won't get) to you.

I'll never matter like that (weather).

He's Not Aware, She Doesn't Care...

Untitled, BD 2007

11 October 2007

Together, Apart...

When she is gone, I wait for her to come back. When we sleep, I sleep surrounded by her sounds of rest. When I am out, I think about returning to her. When she looks at me, my smiles see her. When I talk, she is the only audience I want - for my over-spilling.

There is something about her, with me even when she is not around, within my senses.

Chutes? What Do You Mean...

10.11.2007, Matt 2007

09 October 2007

Time to Clean the Closet

As we are trying to get into a routine and keep things moving forward it seems like so many little things get in the way and 9pm (time for down time to start) rolls around way too soon.

Earlier I wasted precious minutes looking for my green sweat pants. It seems that having too much is almost as bad as having not enough.


(Seven Years Into Another Century) Rabbits vs. Humans: Hungry And Horny...

I'm pretty sure I recall a quote of social icon and en masse idol, Steve McQueen which flickered around the idea life was just about waiting for the races that so entailed in being. Maybe that is where the 'boomers' got the idea of the race of life...

This idea about the race, where the finish line holds little or realistically no appeal to the healthy among us; the potential for there to be a trophy giving many a reason to keep plodding along, even if it is just like George.

Yes, yes I did.

Since none of us really canter along, we're more like greyhounds than horses - there has to be that bait - the chance for a feed even if it is just a con we fall for the sparkled smile every time. That fake hare, like the botox, the rebates, the low fat new and improved, the 9-11 and the interest free credit.

I could go on, the tax break, the cutie at work (after office hours), the last Oreo, the lottery win, lettuce and carrots really anything that, might, for a second, be the only thing that we can think to want. Want, what should be we be willing to take a bullet for when the sense of duty and the notion of honour gone, replaced by an unholy concept of overkill?

I could've joint some plastic girl and had a house with two levels, two garages, a SUV, a coupe and a story of heartbreak but I thought to be different: to wrestle with this accepted norm. You could call it, rebellion? I picked a very complete and difficult (at times) to manage woman, a house with an influx of dog hair, one unusable garage and a black saloon.

However, with house hunting I was like a raccoon to a shiny thing drawn in by a two level suburbia house with two garages. I was told in a certain way I was no kind of rebel and the story of a heartbreak doesn't seem to me matter now, I'm only hearing or seeing more than I have to say or show. Maybe, differently, I've moved onward and upwards in the world... Do you have somewhere else to be? When I am trying to set myself apart, holding it together for more than my part? What's the bait...

NB. I'm not shifting on the car.

Can't they just stay in this grass, its safe here.

I'm happy, my life has been steadily improving over the last couple of years and after a recent dip I feel as if it's back on track - my path is that little bit clearer and my mistakes are that much more obvious. I'm trying to be better, to change where others can't and still be, me. I largely have what I want, what I picked and when there are options there were decisions, something which seems to be forgotten?

My light, she's like starlight, still an inspiration.

Still a loneliness creeps in and around me at times, I can't explain it but the rabbits are solo when they make the dash. Always being watched in some way or another, an awareness of thy self drags at my spirit. The farmer ready to pull the trigger. The shadow a target, dripping out in splotches on all the green around me, the skeleton and the fences tired and easily ruptured.

What I want doesn't always want me, want me to want it, want the same as I want or interpret it the way I do. The salesman telling me I really want what is on the other side, after the 100m, promising my weakness that its worth it. Oh my god. Yeah, him too.

Talking to a TV, or a song, those tall ears listening to a silence and suffering the wrath of patiently waiting for expression (at the wrong times).

The idea of having had enough of living life in these social and historical cuffs feels a few heavy analyses away, which calibre of shells, what exactly am I taking on?

Don't just say it, to please me? Temptation. What is easy - I don't need to be in a relationship? Running away, without thought to the consequence, from the safety of the tall grass through the barb wire and into the open, the line of sight, stupid...

It Hurts Sometimes...

Patient-ce, BD 2007

08 October 2007


New and bold, trust issues, threes, head-shoulders-knees-and-toes-knees-and-toes, on my way, late, decay, noose, corpse, what's free, black cats, devil, sea, streets, cracked roads, weight, under, depression, Hershey's, some girl and how she ruined my life somehow, stoned, high, wasted, sober, slap, arrest, cardiac, hamstring, sunset, leaves, amber and gold, Marlboro, 3M, 5:35pm, family meetings, heritage, stupidity, tell me, tell you, insurance, ID, finance, crash, cash, blue, ice, dog, later, poker, ranch dressing, candles, bites, sex, making love, bathroom, shaving, cuts, blood, red, heart, drum, bass...

Gods Own Zilla Holds No Fear...

Heart Of The City, Mark Tatulli 2007

06 October 2007


She said I was a gift, that I was special, that I saw her not just for all she is but all she can be.

The first from one hundred was my answer before the question was asked...

04 October 2007

Directives Are Posted...

Untitled, BD 2007

03 October 2007


I work at night... - REM / Daysleeper

A Love Affair Begins...