09 October 2007

(Seven Years Into Another Century) Rabbits vs. Humans: Hungry And Horny...

I'm pretty sure I recall a quote of social icon and en masse idol, Steve McQueen which flickered around the idea life was just about waiting for the races that so entailed in being. Maybe that is where the 'boomers' got the idea of the race of life...

This idea about the race, where the finish line holds little or realistically no appeal to the healthy among us; the potential for there to be a trophy giving many a reason to keep plodding along, even if it is just like George.

Yes, yes I did.

Since none of us really canter along, we're more like greyhounds than horses - there has to be that bait - the chance for a feed even if it is just a con we fall for the sparkled smile every time. That fake hare, like the botox, the rebates, the low fat new and improved, the 9-11 and the interest free credit.

I could go on, the tax break, the cutie at work (after office hours), the last Oreo, the lottery win, lettuce and carrots really anything that, might, for a second, be the only thing that we can think to want. Want, what should be we be willing to take a bullet for when the sense of duty and the notion of honour gone, replaced by an unholy concept of overkill?

I could've joint some plastic girl and had a house with two levels, two garages, a SUV, a coupe and a story of heartbreak but I thought to be different: to wrestle with this accepted norm. You could call it, rebellion? I picked a very complete and difficult (at times) to manage woman, a house with an influx of dog hair, one unusable garage and a black saloon.

However, with house hunting I was like a raccoon to a shiny thing drawn in by a two level suburbia house with two garages. I was told in a certain way I was no kind of rebel and the story of a heartbreak doesn't seem to me matter now, I'm only hearing or seeing more than I have to say or show. Maybe, differently, I've moved onward and upwards in the world... Do you have somewhere else to be? When I am trying to set myself apart, holding it together for more than my part? What's the bait...

NB. I'm not shifting on the car.

Can't they just stay in this grass, its safe here.

I'm happy, my life has been steadily improving over the last couple of years and after a recent dip I feel as if it's back on track - my path is that little bit clearer and my mistakes are that much more obvious. I'm trying to be better, to change where others can't and still be, me. I largely have what I want, what I picked and when there are options there were decisions, something which seems to be forgotten?

My light, she's like starlight, still an inspiration.

Still a loneliness creeps in and around me at times, I can't explain it but the rabbits are solo when they make the dash. Always being watched in some way or another, an awareness of thy self drags at my spirit. The farmer ready to pull the trigger. The shadow a target, dripping out in splotches on all the green around me, the skeleton and the fences tired and easily ruptured.

What I want doesn't always want me, want me to want it, want the same as I want or interpret it the way I do. The salesman telling me I really want what is on the other side, after the 100m, promising my weakness that its worth it. Oh my god. Yeah, him too.

Talking to a TV, or a song, those tall ears listening to a silence and suffering the wrath of patiently waiting for expression (at the wrong times).

The idea of having had enough of living life in these social and historical cuffs feels a few heavy analyses away, which calibre of shells, what exactly am I taking on?

Don't just say it, to please me? Temptation. What is easy - I don't need to be in a relationship? Running away, without thought to the consequence, from the safety of the tall grass through the barb wire and into the open, the line of sight, stupid...


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