It's Already Hot

Okay. It's not yet the end of June but the air is growing close and heavy, even into the night. It makes being inside hard, and dealing with details even harder. I've had a longing for lazy days at the lake again.

When I lay in bed at night my head spins sometimes with thinking all the thoughts of all the things that are to be done and yet can't be done. I think of B in his cold home while I lay here feeling the dampness on my skin and wishing I could feel his damp heat.

He's sent me flowers, cards, and gifts... he pours out his heart every day. Sometimes I wonder if I'm too shallow for him. I can hardly get my act together to function in my day to day.. leaves too little for being special enough.

But, for as long as he'll have me I'll keep trying to find the deep end and stay there with him. Maybe we just need a day at the lake.